What a terrible Week

First I told Highway I couldn’t marry him, next Maxell is going away. Two men that I hold dear to my heart are out of my life…for the moment, maybe a long moment! I don’t know yet.
I’d been having a feeling in the back of my mind for several weeks. A feeling I couldn’t place. Not a bad feeling, or a good feeling, a feeling I can best describe as hearing the ocean roar when you place a shell against your ear. I now believe this started when I got a visit from an old man while in the wilds of Naboo.
I had met Highway at the Theed medical center, Naboo. Highway has been busy putting in his hours as I have healing and treating the many wounded that come in from the field. We both have to put in our time as interns to earn becoming qualified doctors.
I wasn’t sure how I was going to tell Highway that I didn’t want to marry, I mean I hadn’t said anything to him up to this point about my feelings. I guess its one of my fallacies. I know that I hold my feelings about a lot of things deep inside. I guess it’s because of what happened to my family, and my training in the army.
Highway met me with a hug and a kiss, but when I didn’t return the same towards him in quite the same manner, he knew something was wrong. When he asked, I asked him to sit down and I went on to tell him I couldn’t marry him. He was hurt I could see that in his face, but what happened afterwards caught me by complete surprise! When we parted I could feel him in my mind, I could actually hear him in his hurt and sorrow, feel his emotions as if they were my own. That ocean I had been hearing had finally roared to shore!
I feel as if my mind has somehow opened up to a universe I never knew. I’m sorry that I had to do this to Highway, I do love him…but until I can sort out what is happening to me, I grateful that I did what I felt I had to do at the time.
What a strange thing, to feel what is going on around me in this manner. It hasn’t stopped yet.
Later in the week, Maxell asked me to come to Scarlets Temple on Dantooine. When I asked what was going on, He said all would be explained when I got there.
When I arrived at the temple, Max was there by himself, Scarlet came soon after I arrived. The news that Max had to tell shocked me, and I think Scarlet even worse.
Max was leaving for an indefinite period of time. He feels he knows what is going on with him. Max believes he will find the help he needs at a village located on Dathomire, for this split personality thing that he has been going through.
Max has asked me to watch over the temple and scarlet, to help protect both. I only hope I’m up for the task.
Max started going over details with Scarlet, when a new person came into the temple. Her name is Tempestia, a Zebrak woman. Max introduced us, and explained that Tempe will be helping Scarlet with her training.
When Max started outlining his plans to Scarlet I excused myself and went out side. A lot of good this did me. Though I couldn’t hear what was being said inside, I could feel their emotions. I couldn’t shut if off, no matter what I tried to do.
I made my way over to a small hill, not far from the temple and started to cry. Max came out, and sat next to me. I could see in his eyes the sadness; I could feel his emotional torment.
When Max asked me what was wrong I told him, how I felt. I told him that I love him, that I always have. I told him that I love Scarlet, and will do all that I can to protect her and the temple. I offered to go to this village with him, but this he shot down, telling me that this was something he had to face alone.
Even though I don’t like what he is doing, I have to let him go. I may just have to sneak to the village myself…I don’t know. Maybe Scarlet can guild me in her meditation techniques and help me find out what is wrong with me. I just don’t know what I’m going to do.