Decisions, Decisions…

I awoke to the smell of the forest; I had pitched my camp out in woods near Keren, Naboo. I hadn’t been hunting; I had been doing the same thing I seemed to be doing a lot of lately, just wandering around with no real purpose. I slowly extracted myself from my sleeping bag and peeked out of my shelter. The sun was just peaking over the horizon, the morning cool and slightly damp, the air fresh, and clean, filled with the scent of the trees and flowers.

My small fire from the night still smoldered, so I knew getting it going again would be easy enough. I had some eggs and cured meat in my pack from a gnort lair I raided a day ago, so breakfast would not be a problem either. I climbed from my tent and stretched the kinks from my still sleepy muscles, breathing in the morning air. I busied myself with breakfast and packing my camp away, with no real thoughts as to what I was going to do for the day. I finished eating and packed the remaining items of my camp, when all was secured, the fire fully out, I set off to wander once more.

I knew I was fairly close to Hendola, only 4k away. I had a couple of sheds there for storing hides and other supplies. I had not been to check on them in quite some time, and they were probably in need of a little maintenance. So with a quick glance at my compass, I set the rising sun before me and headed towards Hendola. For the most part the trip was uneventful, I tracked some Gungan’s and investigated their camp, I ran across a couple of small flocks of Giant, and regular Peko-peko’s that I took down with my rifle, but other then that nothing else.

When I arrived at my sheds near Hendola, I was mildly surprised to find that they were actually in pretty good shape. I spent the late morning putted around in them, taking care of some minor maintenance, and sorting some of the provisions I had left in them. When done, I rode over to Hendola proper, and boarded the shuttle to Eden’s Grief. I still own a large house in this city, but have slowly over the last couple of months, packing up all my belongings, with the intent of moving to a new location. Eden’s Grief is not the city it once was, a lot of the citizens have moved out, and the place has become a virtual ghost town. Again I did a little minor maintenance, and straightening up of the place. I was a little surprised to find that it was late afternoon when I finally took a break.

I went up stairs to stand on the balcony, and contemplate my current situation. What was I going to do? How was I to get my life back on track? I mulled over a lot of Ideas, but kept coming up blank. I figured I might as well go into Theed and see what was happening in the Cantina, I thought maybe a good drunk was what I needed. As I headed down the stairs, a thought came to me. Scarlet is a priestess, she knows techniques on meditation that maybe I could learn. I thought maybe through meditation I could find some of the answers to my many questions.

I ran for the shuttle in Eden, barely making it in time, I rode it back to Kitan, then to Keren, as that’s where I had parked my Sorosub. I boarded my ship, ran to the bridge, and hastily ran through the preflight checks, while contacting Keren Spaceport authorities for permission to launch. Permission came just a minute later, and I launched for the stars. Once in orbit around Naboo, I set my navigation computer for the Dantooine system, an engaged the hyper drive.

Once in the Dantooine system, getting permission to land was a bit of a chore, the approach control operator at the Dant space station kept asking me if I was sure I wanted to land there. Finally I convinced him I did indeed want to go to Dant, he grudgingly processed me through, and I headed down to the planet. I landed my ship at the Argo Outpost, un-stowed my swoop, and rode in the direction off Scarlets temple. Riding along I started having doubts as to whether my idea was in fact a good one, I mean, I really don’t know all that much about Scarlet, and for all I knew Zebrak meditation techniques might not even work on humans. The closer I got the more doubt filled me.

I was 500m from the temple when I got off my bike and started walking the rest of the distance in. I make it a habit to not just ride up on a location with out first checking out the area around where I want to go. This has kept me out of trouble more then enough times to make it a bit of a habit with me. I checked the perimeter of the temple, finding nothing to be concerned with, I walked up the step to the door. I hollered “Hello!” but didn’t get an answer. I thought maybe I shouldn’t go in if no one was there, but I had talked myself into asking Scarlet for her advice on my idea on the way out, and figured I could wait awhile for her to show up.

I removed my boots, and quietly went inside. I went into the main room of the temple and again asked “Is anyone here?” I was startled when I heard Scarlet say “Don’t come in! I’m in the blue room meditating, just don’t come in”. I was floored by this. Scarlet had always been accommodating to me and everyone else I met at the temple, and this was not I expected. I humbly begged her forgiveness for intruding and ran for the door. Just as I got outside, I ran smack into Max, damn near bowling him over in my haste to get out. Max tried to stop me, but I got around him and ran out into the Dantooine evening. I was crying, my feeling hurts, wondering what I was thinking to even have bothered to come here. Sorry for myself, for being such a little girl…Damn it!! I had been an officer in the Imperial Army, I should know how to control my emotions better then this!.

I ran several hundred meters from the temple, when I heard Max yell for me to stop. For what ever reason, I did. I collapsed on the ground, sobbing, waiting for Max to catch up. When he got to me, and started asking me what was wrong.. I didn’t know what to say. How could he understand what I’ve been going through, the lost, desolate feeling I was having since resigning from the army, how could I tell him that he had been my anchor, even though we had grown apart, I still needed him to be in my life. That now that he was involved with Scarlet, I felt I was losing the only person in the universe that understood me. But Max wouldn’t quit, in his patient, understanding way, he kept asking me over and over to tell him what was wrong. So I did. I told him about everything that had happened, the how, the why, and the unknown. I let my feelings that had been pent up flow freely. Max sat there and listened to me go from one incident to the next, from crisis to crisis.

I felt like I must have vented to Max for hours, and through it all, Max remained calming and thoughtful. He understood what I was going through, he a listened to what I had to say. Max’s ordeal at the hands of Cauil and Deomo took him to the same place I was in, the difference being that I had the opportunity to get out and he did not. He told me that though he is devoted to Scarlet, and she is everything to him, that I was still also held within his heart and that he would always be there for me if I needed him. This I needed to hear from him more then anything else we talked about, I needed to know that there was someone out in the universe that still cared, that knew I existed. I felt a heavy weight lift from my soul at that moment.

Our conversation turned to what I was going to do, now that I was no longer in the army. I reminded Max that I was still enlisted in the Flight Corp. and that I would remain flying for the Navy as long as I was able too. I told him I would go back to being an independent hunter again, like I was before joining the army, that it would be nice to see how I could do as a civilian earning a living. I didn’t tell him that I had already been out on a couple of hunts and had, had a couple of interesting conversations with the other side. I think Max may know this already, just not how deep.

It was getting late, and I was feeling a lot better about things. I thanked Max for being there for me *smile* and got up to go. He stopped me and suggested I stay at the temple, that I stay in the guest room. I wasn’t sure if I should, I mean after what happened when I first got to the temple earlier still fresh in my mind. Max assured me it was ok, that he would make everything ok. So I agreed.

When we got to the temple Scarlet, greeted me like I remember. It turns out she was instructing a student on meditative techniques and I misunderstood what she meant when she said not to come in. We talked a little about how she was feeling and other news. Her teachings and training. I could see she was tired, so I asked to be excused. Max escorted me to the guest room and helped me get settled in, I wished him and scarlet a good night and shut the door. I lay in the bed for awhile, in the dark, thinking about my conversation with Max, about what I was going to do. AS I slowly drifted off to sleep I decided I would try it alone for awhile, that I would get back in touch with the people I had met while hunting the previous week and ask some questions…