Moving On 10/30/XXXX

I have no idea what’s happened to Lotuss. I’ve all but given up on him. I’ve exhausted every avenue trying to find him, but to no avail. I finally resigned myself to the fact that he’s truly gone.

I visited the office of Planetary Co-unions and filled out the necessary paper work required to officially disband our union to each other. When I got to the question asking for cause, I simply placed “KIA” (killed in action). No questions where asked to this reason. I suppose because of this war, it’s an appropriate response and others before me have had to write similar answers.

I miss him terribly…there is a place in my heart that continues to grow, a hole of sorts, for every love I’ve lost due to this karking war! I felt it had started to heal with Lotuss. I mean it was he who found me when I was lost and confused. It was Lotuss whom I adventured with, fell in love with… and eventually married. It was he that made the hole in my heart from the loss of Maxell Snow start to fade.

Mara Jade once told me, “You can never know how the future will unfold for you, sometimes you catch glimpse of it in dreams, sometimes feel it in your soul, but you can never predict how it will come, because the future is always in motion, ever changing, like the swirls found in a slow running river. Every heart beat you have, has the potential to change the future”.

I think about what she said, and I wonder if I had made a mistake following my vision to become a Jedi. Please don’t misunderstand me; I learned a lot from Mara in the ways of the force, but look at me now! A dancer! Irking out a living in some of the worse and most run down establishments in the galaxy.

Ah well, all I can say is I haven’t had much time since returning to dance to dwell much on my love or military problems. At the urge of some of the girls I dance with and musicians that play I have started auditioning at the theaters in Mos Eisly and Theed.
I have made the cut for the show a couple of times with mixed results, but I plan to continue to try out. I’ve been told if I make the big show I’ll receive a prize of some sort.

So until I get my prize, I will continue to help the people in need that come into these dark dank places called cantina and do my best to keep them all entertained.

Transition 10/20/xxxx

Blast this crummy war!
My world continues to turn inside out. I thought I was following the right path.
I had a vision, where Lotuss had told me to seek out Mara Jade and learn the ways of the force. I did this, only to complete my training and come home to…what…Nothing!
All I found was the ring I had given Lotuss upon our union. There was no note, no nothing. I have not heard a word from him, or of him since.

In hind sight, I should have known this was coming. Lotuss had been spending more and more time away. “The War” he would say, but even when he was home and not out fighting, he felt distant to me.

I am angry, hurt. I can’t help but think that it’s me. I must be some kind of monster to the men I marry, else why would they all leave me like this?
I have thought about my part in all of this and have concluded that it hasn’t been me alone. Warriors are not the kind to be caged in a relationship and when two warriors form a union one should expect disaster. For me, it’s best if I go back to what I started when I first arrived in this part of the galaxy.

The training I received from Mara will be indispensable in the coming months, but for now I need to back off from this Galactic Civil War and find some peace and tranquility.
When I first arrived on Tatooien I was without family, friends and funds. I worked odd jobs around Mos Eisly and earned enough credits to book passage on a tramp ship heading for Naboo.
I fell in love with the place. The greenery and beauty of Naboo reminded me so much of my birth planet.

I had found myself in the city of Theed. I found work fairly quickly, running odd errands for the locals and the occasional hunting job. The Theed cantina was one of the big social hangouts in the city and it was there one night while sipping on a drink I was approached by a fellow that promoted an entertainment troop. CoE was the name of his group if I remember right.

Anyways through small talk and his endless enthusiasm for entertainment he convinced me to try out as a dancer. He said I had the looks and stature to make a fine entertainer.
He had also mentioned that the money could be good if I gave the patrons what they needed along with a good show.

For several months I worked in the entertainment business before the call of the hunt grabbed me again.

Well here it is, a few years gone at the hands of the war and two husbands later, that I find myself again working in the entertainment profession. I’ve found that dancing and playing music has been just what I needed to take the tension of the war and thoughts of loves lost away from my mind.

I’ve been happy helping others in need and of the comradeship of the other entertainers I’ve met and associate with, but again I’m starting to feel the pull of the war on me.

I’ve had several contacts ask me for their help in the conflict. So far I’ve been able to say no, but with each attempt it gets harder and harder to stand my ground. I have to face the truth. I was raised as a hunter by my father. I was very good as a hunter and then as a soldier and officer in the Imperial Navy. Under the tutelage of Mara Jade, I’ve learned how to use the force in ways I would never have dreamed possible…But I’m torn...I’m being torn apart by my training and loyalty to the Empire and by the atrocities I’ve seen the same Empire bestow on innocent human and sentient species in the galaxy.

Yes…I feel the pull of the war again, and I know I can try to make a difference in the struggle. I just need to take a little more time…decide which side I want to be on and what I can do to make a difference. I think I’ll dance awhile longer and let the force guild me on this decision.

Two Years after Star Wars A New Hope

It had been a long watch. Attention to duty dulled by the perpetual mist that hung over the city like a shroud and the complete lack of any activity near his assigned station can do that to a person. He only thought was that soon it would be over, an a nice warm bunk was waiting for him at the barracks. Maybe a quick snack and beverage from the cantina would be good before sleep.
He hated having to stand watch near the shuttle station in Moneia, nothing ever happened here. All the action of late was going on in Restuss on Rori. He so longed to join his comrades in the fight against the Empire.
Looking at his chrono, he only had another hour before being relieved. Sighing, he settled down to occupy his time watching the large swamp moths fight to see which could land on the high intensity light first.

The figure moved through the shadows of the Naboonian swamp trees as if a ghost. Not a sound came from the booted figure as it approached the lights of the city.
Twenty five meters from the lighted shuttle station, the cloaked figure crouched behind a small out cropping of ancient stone. Peering over the top, the figure measured with a practiced eye the angle and time needed to get to the unsuspecting guard standing watch.

Two of the moths had just been vaporized by the high intensity light to his amusement when he thought he saw something out of the corner of his eye back in the shadows out from the shuttle station. Squinting against the glare of the lights he tried to fathom the depths for what had caught his attention.
“Who goes there!” he barked, scanning the area from which he thought he had seen the movement.
Neither after waiting a few moments and no reply came nor any movement seen, did he start to believe that it was probably just his imagination playing tricks on him. A cough from behind startled him so much that he almost dropped his rifle. Spinning in the direction of the sound he found himself facing Sergeant Shrader.
“Everything Ok?” the sergeant asked.
“Yes sir” the corporal replied, as he worked to regain his composure.
“I heard you call out a bit ago and came over to investigate. It’s imperative that you remain alert, there’s been some trouble out near sectors 15 and 23 lately” the sergeant stated gruffly, “and we don’t want any trouble here if you get my meaning”
“Aye, sir, I do”
“Good” said the sergeant, “Now since I’m here, let’s have a report”.

The cloaked figure watched the two from the cover of the building shadow,
Though now a bit more complicated, taking care of two would be no more trouble then one.
Moneia has seen an increase to its rebel presence lately. With the conflict
between the Empire and the Alliance escalating, more and more rebel troops were being garrisoned here as a jump point to Rori where frequent skirmishes have exploded between the two in recent months.

Having recently completed some hit and run missions on outlying rebel outposts, the cloaked figure felt more then confident to perform the same operations here inside Moneia. Mara Jade had said this was to be the final test, getting in and out of the city while causing as much havoc as possible so as to affect moral and will. To make the rebels a less effective fighting force.
Taking a deep calming breath, the cloaked figure stepped out of the shadows and strode purposely towards the two enlisted men standing at the shuttle station. At about 12 meters the higher ranked man, who appeared to be listening to the other looked up from his note pad and noticed the approaching figure.

The blast from the force lightning sent the sergeant flying back and down. The corporal instinctually turned in the direction from which the bolt had come, his eyes wide, found himself looking into the darken hood of the cloaked figure. With a loud, scared yell, he raised his rifle towards the figure.
The figure had anticipated this move and stepped back into a defensive position, deftly thumbing on the light saber and bringing it into a shoulder high position in one fluid motion.
The corporal squeezed the trigger of his rifle and the laser bolt flashed towards its target.
Twisting the saber to chest high position the bolt was easily block and sent off in a different direction. The cloaked figure knew it could have been sent straight back to the person that fired it, but elected to glance it away instead.
Two quick steps forward, the light blade of the saber swung up and over in an arc slicing the barrel of the rifle clean off as if made of butter. The blade continued in a full circle was brought down and back to hip level and thrust forward.
Stunned, the corporals eyes even wider then before, stared down at his chest where the blade had entered almost to the hilt held in the figures hand. Strangly he felt no pain, but he knew the blade had pierced something vital to his existence as he could feel his energy ebbing, his legs growing weak and a darkness settling over his vision.

He looked into the darkness of his attackers hood, hoping to at least get a glimpse of the person that had done such a thing. The cloaked figure threw back its head as if to laugh, but instead made the hood fall back and revealed a female with red hair and smoldering green eyes. He looked deep within those eyes and with his silently asked the woman why?

Ebe watched as the light of life slowly faded from the soldier’s eyes. She could see the questioning in his eyes, the disbelief that this should happen. How was she supposed to answer? This was war, though maybe not officially declared, it was still war. She brought back the memory of how her family was killed by these people and how Mara had taught her to use this anger to draw on more power from the force. Yes in her eyes it was justified.

Sergeant Shrader, feeling like he had been struck by a load lifter, opened his eye in time to see his man slump to the ground, obviously dead. The cloaked figure that had blasted him unconscious stood over the man’s body. He was as surprised to see that the person under the cloak was a woman, and that this woman in fact carried a light saber.

Ebe looked over to where she had knocked the sergeant, and noticed movement; almost casually she started walking towards him.
Sergeant Shrader knew he didn’t have much time, as the woman started towards him. Reaching up to his collar, he clicked on his comm. and rasped “Help, I need backup!” at the same time he reached down to his holstered DL44 pistol and tried to get it out in time to matter.
Igniting her saber once more, and with a couple of quick slashes, the sergeant was dispatched.
Ebe knew that the sergeant had managed to get a call out to his comrades and it would only be a matter of minutes, if not seconds before that helped arrive.
Turning in the direction she felt the forces would be coming from, Ebe took another deep cleansing breath and waited for the real fun to start.

A Dream Part two

We parried back and forth, alternating between the two of us, offensive and defensive moves.
Lotuss was fast! And by far the stronger one, but with my smaller size and quickness we were closely matched, and on several occasions I was able to get well within his inner defensive circle and let him know I was still there.
Lotuss backed out of range, thumbing off his saber, I followed suit with mine.
“Ebe, I’m really impressed, not only with you crafting your own light saber, but with your fighting style as well”, He said in a low tone of voice. “I’ve come to tell you something of great importance. You are to continue to train in the Jedi arts and become one of the Emperors most lethal weapons in the war against the Rebellion. This is where I have been my love, training, learning, becoming one with the force”.
“You will go to the Emperor’s retreat on Naboo. There you will seek out the Emperor’s Hand, Mara Jade. She will show you what you must learn”.
Lotus turned and strode quickly off, back into the mist from which he first emerged.
I ran after him calling to him to come back.
“Lotuss!! Please! I need you; you have to give me more!” I yelled,
but within moments I quickly lost site of him and found myself very alone in the jungle.
I awoke with a start, breathing hard. The covers to my bed a shambles, the pillows scattered across the floor. I was covered in sweat.
The dream had seemed so real, not like the surreal ones we all tend to have, but real. I felt like I had actually lived this dream.
I dragged myself out of bed and made my way to the fresher. I stood over the wash basin splashing cool water over my face, thinking about the dream, or…maybe it was a vision? I had heard that sentient beings sensitive to the force have been known to have visions of their future or of future events.
Mara Jade is a name familiar to me. I had the chance to meet her once while doing missions for the Inquisitor whom is also based out of the Emperors Retreat. She came across to me as cold, hard, calculating and ruthless. She was also a very beautiful woman; one I could see the Emperor taking a fancy too.
“Ok” I thought to myself, “why not?” The city of Monia, though a rebel enclave might be trouble getting through, I don’t think I will have to much difficulty getting past. From there it’s not all that far to the Retreat.
I’ll find Mara and just explain what I saw in my dream and see where it leads. It’s not like I have any real pressing things I need to do, and maybe the trip will be well worth the time. Besides, I can always check in with the Inquisitor and see if there’s anything he needs done.
I’ll finish up on some odds and ends here and head out in the morning. I’ll send a comm. to Lotuss and hope he gets it. Yep, should be an interesting trip.

A Dream

The satchel lay in the corner of my room where I had tossed it after making my way back to my house in Eden’s Grief on Naboo. Inside the pack were items the army deemed necessary for me to perform my new assignment. I knew what the satchel held, but I hadn’t felt compelled to open it and play with the contents. My only thought after leaving the base was to get home. I needed time to think, and to rest.
I had, had a very strange dream. A dream powerful enough to give me pauses to not only opening the satchel, but to the direction of my life.
In this dream a cloaked figure knelt in the jungle clearing, surrounded by mist. I couldn’t see the cloaked figures face, but there was something familiar about this person. The figure was fiddling with a small cylindrical device about ten to twelve inches in length. The figured turned it over a couple of times as if inspecting it. Though I couldn’t see who this person was, I felt a sense of satisfaction come over the figure.
The person stood and held the cylinder with both hands to the front, with a “Snap! Hiss!” a crimson shaft of high intensity light about a meter in length thrust out of the end of the device. I knew at once what I was seeing at that moment. This cloaked figure was a Jedi, and what it held was a light saber!
The Jedi removed the cloak and I could see that the cloaked figure was a woman, her back to me. She moved the saber through a complex series of moves, like a dance, a blur in motion, the figure twisted and flowed from one move to another. The blade of the saber, at times coming within a hairs breath of the wielder as each offensive then defensive maneuver was carried out, always with a high degree of precision.
The exercise went on for what seemed like hours. Finally the woman Jedi stopped. Breathing hard, sweat dripping off her hair, her saber blade in a guard position, she slowly turned towards me. In the crimson light of the blade I finally saw who the Jedi was…Me!!
The scene shifted, I was now in my dream body. I was looking past the clearing in which I stood; off in the distance I could see what appeared to be a large temple on an Island in the middle of a lake. Standing sentry to the temple was a very large statue of a cloaked figure.
For whatever reason this image seemed to fill me with dread, fear, as if the statue of the figure was far more evil then anything I had ever encountered.
A noise from behind! I pirouetted around and ignited the light saber instinctively. Feet set wide and the blade held in a defensive position, senses keen to possible danger.
Another cloaked figure stood a short distance away at the edge of the clearing in which I stood.
“You have done well Ebe, crafting a light saber is no easy task”
Immediately I recognized the voice of the figure, it was the voice of my husband Lotuss!
I was so relieved to see his face I thumbed off my saber and started to run to him, but the sight of what he held in his right hand caused me to stop in mid-stride.
The “Snap, Hiss” of his own light saber echoed across the clearing.
“ It takes more then just being able to assemble a saber and dance around without cutting your own arm off to be a true Sith of the Empire sweetheart,” he said. “Lets see just how much you do know” he grinned.
When he had first lit his saber I had felt fearful of him. I’m not sure why. It may have been the way he had suddenly appeared where I was, or I was still feeling the effects of the temple that lay off in the distance, but when he grinned at me, the playful look in his eyes, told me that I had nothing to fear of him. This was the Zebrak I had cherished and loved.
I gave him a very coy smile in return and with a “Snap, Hiss” I ignited my own saber.

To be continued…

New Duty?

It’s been so long since I have written in this diary. I feel guilty for not having put my thoughts down in here, but so much has happened in the last few months that I honestly haven’t had the time to relax and write.
Last I wrote my commander had called me in from the field where I was informed that I would no longer be a Ranger. I was to be trained in covert operations and essentially become a spy for the Imperial Army.
I had left his office with my mind reeling and a chit in hand for new equipment. All my trusty old supplies were left on his office carpet for someone else to dispose of.
I recalled that I very much wanted to talk to my husband Lotuss about what had just happened, but he was out of comm. range and couldn’t be reached. I was for the moment on my own.
Riding down several turbo lifts and walking through numerous corridors, I had a chance to reflect on my new situation. So I was no longer a Ranger, but a Spy. All my adult life I had been a hunter. Sure I had taken on and been assigned missions by the Empire that utilized my tracking, trapping, and concealment skills, but to be reassigned full time to covert operations just didn’t sit well with me.
Ever since regaining my memory after my accident on Dathomire, (with the help of Lotuss, Highway, and this journal) I had been thinking about my role as a hunter and soldier in the Imperial army. I wasn’t sure if this was the direction I wanted to go with my life.
I am still sensitive to people’s moods and feelings, having almost a clairvoyant perception of what they are thinking, which has helped me in my fighting skills. From what I have read and learned through conversations with others, this is what is called being force sensitive. Jedi I’m told have this ability one hundred fold. It’s this force sensitivity that makes them such formidable warriors.
I had thought that I would pursue this sensitivity of mine more in-depth at a later time, but if this new assignment doesn’t work out I may start sooner.
I finally made it to the supply department of the Imperial complex. Walking through the door I entered a barren, harshly lit room with a heavily secured door, a small open window and a push button between the two at the far end. Above the button, a small sign announced “Press button for service”.
Not seeing anyone, I pushed the button. Immediately a head poked itself out of the window. Startled, I backed up a few steps. “Yes?” the head, which belonged to a Lance Corporal, asked. Gathering up my composure, I thrust the chit I had been given in his direction.
He took the chit, looked it over and disappeared.
A short time later, I heard servomotors whining and latches opening on the heavy steel door. A small panel slid up into the door and a satchel slid out of the opening.
The Lance Corporal appeared once again at the window “If you will just sign this requisition ma’am you can be on your way,” he said.
I looked over the requisition and invoice noting the contents of the satchel and signed.
Handing the paper back to the supply attendant, I picked up the satchel and started for the door. “Ma’am? He asked before I could exit the room. “Yes?”
I turned back to face him. This time I took the time to really look at the face in the window. He was young, really young. I don’t think he could have been more then nineteen or twenty years old. I couldn’t help but think back to when I first joined the army. I myself had been as young, and so full of hate for what had happened to my family on the trip from my home world. My God! That seemed so long ago now, and my whole perspective on the civil war has changed.
“Umm…I…err…was wondering…” He started, looking slightly embarrassed, and more then a little unsure of himself, “Are you really in the Special Forces?” “I’m sorry I don’t mean to pry ma’am, but I haven’t seen anyone but men pick up the issue I just gave you”.
“You’re the first female officer I have given this particular requisition too ma’am”.
My first thought to his question was “really?” with my next thought being “just how many have been here before me?”
I answered his question with an affirmative nod of my head, smiled, turned back to the door and walked out.
When the door had closed behind me I leaned back against the cold hallway wall, closed my eyes and took a few calming breathes.
The feeling that I was getting into something that I didn’t really want to do had crept into my mind while I had waited for the Lance Corporal to fill my requisition chit. When he had made the statement that I was also the only woman he had saw sent to pick up these new supplies, the feeling had almost overwhelmed me.
Feeling a bit more under control of my emotions I started once again for the exit. My steps were hurried, I wanted out of this complex. I wanted to get out and get as far away from everyone and everything, especially the army in the worst way.
Once more I wondered where Lotuss was, and that I really needed to see him, feel him, be with him. “Lotuss where are you when I need you?”

First Night Post NGE

“Good evening Lieutenant Lightcloud”, the Imperial officer started. “I’ve called you in tonight to discuss some changes we have in store for you”.
“Wonderful” I though, haven’t they made enough changes in the last few months to keep the higher ups occupied for the next several years?
“First” he went on, “I want you to empty out your back pack and lay it all down on the floor here so that we can decide what you can keep and what we will get rid of”.
“Huh?” I said,
“Empty your pack Lieutenant Lightcloud, that’s an order”.
I opened my pack and proceeded to empty the contents on the floor of his office. He strode from behind his desk, and walked over to the pile. He surveyed the contents, hands behind his back, making a slow circle around the pile, and looking down at the contents like I had just dumped the contents of a recycler on his floor. I mean I had a little bit of everything in my pack. Hides, bones, meat…ok so the meat wasn’t all that fresh, but hey! It was good quality, and I couldn’t see to toss it out.
I had camp kits, camo-kits and traps, some armor, both padded and ubese, a few different weapons, plus a lot of odds and ends I had picked up in my travels. He poked at all my things with the toe of his boot murmuring to himself as he surveyed what I had dumped on his carpet.
“Ok, first, we are going to lighten you up some by getting rid of all the Ranger related items you have here, then were going to go through all the rest and dispose of everything that will not be essential to your new assignment”.
“New assignment?”
“I’ll discuss that after we go through all this stuff,” he stated flatly.
After some time, I was left with pretty much the clothes on my back. I still had all my hide, meat, and weapons, but the colonel strongly suggested I find someone that would take it off my hands, soon, rather then later, as to what he had in mind for me, I would need to start traveling a lot lighter.
“Sir? I don’t know how you expect me to survive and complete my assigned missions, without my camps, camo-kits, and traps”.
“Lieutenant Lightcloud, for what we have in store for you, you wont need those antiquated items anymore. In fact we are going to issue you a whole new arsenal to deal with what you may encounter out on the missions we have in mind. It is for this reason that we went through all your items…you see…the Imperial Army is not longer in need of Rangers as such, but what we do have a need for is persons, such as yourself, that are experienced in the art of cover and concealment. Persons that do know how to utilize traps, just not the ones you were used to, but a whole new line, that can be used against personnel”.
I couldn’t believe what I had just heard! No more Rangers? New traps? What the Kark was going on?
“Lieutenant Lightcloud, what we plan on doing is assigning you to a very secretive and covert class of people in The Imperial Army. You will become one of these. You will be required to assess enemy troop strengths, gather information on sentient beings, go behind enemy lines in advance of other operatives to gather information, set up ambushes, and other duties we think you will be qualified to undertake”
I looked at this officer of the Imperial army as if he had suffered some sort of space decomp sickness. Covert? Secretive missions?
“What you are saying sir, is that I’m to become a spy?” I asked.
“Well I wouldn’t quite call it that”, he grinned, and I prefer to call it a covert operative for the Empire”. “But yes, essentially you will become a spy. I’m giving you this requisition to get the new items you will need for this new path”. He handed me a slip of paper and turned back to his desk.
Settling down in his chair he continued. “I know you will be of even greater assistance to the Empire then you ever were. Don’t worry about this stuff lying on the floor, I will have someone come and dispose of it properly. I want you to go now, and requisition the gear I have listed on the form I just gave you. In the next couple of weeks, you will be contacted and given instructions as to your assignments”.
“That is all I have for you at this time” he said dismissively.
I saluted, turned, and left his office.
Out in the hall I pulled out the requisition he had handed me and read through the list of items I was to pick up. Smoke grenades, poison traps, and high potency med-packs. This I thought was going to be interesting. At least I had a couple of weeks to get familiar with this new equipment before I was to be contacted.
I squared up my much lighter pack and headed off towards the supply wing of the building.
“I wonder where Lotuss is?” I thought as I rounded the first corridor.